Just as I started to feel like I was really jumpstarting my new side business of helping others, life had other plans for me that required me to adjust my focus.
This past month reminded me that no matter how much I plan for the future, there will always be road bumps that may slow down my progress. Between the end-of-school-year activities, the entire house getting sick one by one, experiencing some moderate side effects from a medication, and finding out my son will need surgery this month; my time was limited to say the least. However, now that we are through the thick of it, I can prioritize aspects of my life that I needed to place on hold for a moment.
The moment I realized I needed to reprioritize was difficult for me. While I work diligently to maintain a positive outlook, I was thrown curveball after curveball, and it was beyond overwhelming.
My Pivot Moment
This is when I realized I needed help myself. I turned to an amazing coworker whom I felt would be understanding and would listen. And listen she did! We sat for over an hour talking, crying, and laughing, which was honestly something I think we both needed.
In that moment, I felt heard. The advice she gave me was nothing extraordinary. However, at a time when my brain was being pulled in too many directions, it was just the clarity I needed.
That night I went home to my husband, cried some more, and we sat down to plan out our next steps. Over the years, we have decreased our family village. Mainly because trust had been broken one too many times. The big changes in our lives forced us to become creative to rebuild our village.
The Start of Rebuilding
This took (and still is taking) us to be very vulnerable with those around us and ourselves. We have had critical conversations with those in our lives we do feel we can trust and have reached out for help. With our child’s surgery approaching quickly, we are planning for a multiple-day hospital stay, what sitter arrangements will look like, and how we can support our other children during a time when our focus will be mostly turned to our oldest.
Thankfully, most of the conversations are going well. The weight of it all is slowly lifting from my shoulders. I can prioritize efficiently now. Most importantly, I am gaining my village back. It isn’t the same as it was before. There are still many people in my family that I can no longer trust. The best part about having a support system is that it is what you make it. Mine consists of friends, family, and coworkers. All playing a crucial part in my life and my mental health.
What I’ve learned Throughout this process
Specifically, here are three takeaways:
- Vulnerability does not equal weakness: I have always struggled with discussing my emotions openly. On any given day, if I were to talk about my stressors, I would play it off as “I am just working through it”, as if I am not screaming inside from the stress. I have slowly but surely fixed that. I am honest about my struggles and it has helped in more ways than one. ,
- Taking a step back is crucial to refocus: this past month, I needed to take a step back and look at my life from an outside lens. Doing this allowed me to realize what I could put aside for a moment and what I needed to address now.
- Planning the night before sets you up for success: This has helped me tremendously! Instead of setting my goals for the day in the morning, I set them the night before. Doing this for work and at home has made me more successful with completing my tasks. I can think clearly when I do this, and it does not rush me to make a decision on what needs to get done.
- The people in your life can make or break your mindset: this was a tough one. However, this has allowed me to maintain meaningful relationships in my life. I am a firm believer that there is a difference between two people venting and being consistently negative. Sticking to this has allowed me the space to distance myself from people who would consistently have a negative outlook and would not take accountability for the part they have played. Those people are not inherently “bad” people, but not ones that I need to keep in my space.
Getting Stronger Everyday
My village is growing, maybe not in the number of people, but in the strength of the already established relationships. Trusting those around me with parts of my life I normally would keep private was not an easy decision. However, my family and I have been better for it.